News Flash: Book Club Saves Lives

I just finished reading a book sent to me by my friend, Jack, who faithfully sends articles, books, cartoons--you name it--on the power of social support networks. Many years ago we conducted research together on naturally occurring mentoring relationships and ever since he's been making sure I don't forget that it's (healthy) relationships that keep people living longer, richer lives.

Social support is the practical, emotional, and spiritual support we exchange with our friends, colleagues, family, and others. It is membership in an informal network of people who care about one another and who take part in each other's well-being.

It's not simply relationships between people though, because some relationships are distinctly unhelpful. Social support describes healthy relationships in which we're supported in our pursuit of becoming our best, our healthiest, our strongest selves.

The book-The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society--tells the story of the little known Nazi occupation of a portion of England during World War II. In this fictionalized story about the real occupation, several people of Guernsey stayed sane and safe and grew to be immensely important to each other by meeting weekly to passionately discuss the books they loved. As a result the book club grows to be so much more than a "literary society".

Jack sent me the book because he and I lament the decline of social support, and social engagement in the U.S. today. Research that tracks Americans' social engagement over the generations is finding that over the past generation we are becoming increasingly more isolated, preferring individual pursuits to the social activities that marked an earlier chapter in our history.

Many of the markers of a rich social engagement are showing these declines. For instance, today we invite people over to our homes for dinner 35% less than we did in the 1960's and we have 43% fewer family dinners than we did just a generation ago. All sorts of involvement in organizations that bring us together for meaningful interaction has decreased; things like attending worship services, involvement in service-related organizations, community sports leagues, and involvement in interest groups.

In the 1990's alone, informal time spent with friends-"schmoozing"-declined by more than 20%. Even in the era of "Friends", "Cheers", and "Seinfeld" this natural social connectedness declined among men and women, across all social classes and age groups, among single and married people, in all parts of the Country, in urban, suburban, and rural communities.

None of this would matter except that all these activities tend to expand our social support networks and as a result make us healthier, happier, and more deeply satisfied with life. We're social creatures and we thrive when we interact with others. Even the introverts among us thrive on this interaction, if perhaps in smaller doses than extroverts enjoy.

Just type "social support" into your web browser. That's if you've got a week or two to get acquainted with this powerful, completely natural and infinitely available remedy. You'll find links to research showing that athletes excel, kids from impoverished backgrounds thrive, the sick survive, elders age with vitality, students learn, those hounded by depression are lifted, and people in trouble rise above thanks largely to the web of people surrounding them, their social support networks.

Robert Putnam, social support and social engagement researcher, suggests that joining and being engaged in just one group cuts in half the odds of dying in the coming year. Studies in the US, Japan, and Scandinavia show that people who are socially disconnected are two to five times more likely to die (from all causes) when compared to people with close ties to friends, family, and community.

This is why virtually evey self-empowerment book author today, from Dr. Oz to Rick Warren, Martha Beck, Christiane Northrup, Deepak Chopra, Suzie Orman, and Dr. Phil encourage us to get with our people and take in their good tidings. They've read the research: healthy social support is one the most potent remedies for what ails us and inoculation for what might.

This is why the very best practices in preventing child abuse, teen pregnancy, community violence, drug abuse, alcoholism, and depression entail efforts to increase social support. That's because one of the most prevalent factors that go hand in hand with all sorts of rotten social problems like violence at home, homelessness, depression, and alcoholism is isolation.

Anyway, back to Guernsey, England. It may seem odd that reading--one of the most solitary activities one can pursue--would bring people together.

But reading is one of the activities that move us, often to the degree that we must talk about it, and learn of how others respond. Then, it seems, in the process, we learn a tremendous amount about people, especially the things we cherish most, what we value, what excites us, worries us, moves us.

In the process, we grow to care about another; to feel the warmth of another who cares about us. We're weaving a life-giving network.

And good news, Readers: Book clubs are on the rise!

Researchers who study social support networks use a variety of tools to measure and understand the nature of support. This is one of those tools and it turns out to be a useful tool for us mere mortals as well. Complete a Social Support Map for yourself and see where you might celebrate the strengths or, alternately, shore up your network. It's good for you!

Healthy people have social support networks that are populated with positive relationships that build up rather than tear down, that provide one or more of the following kinds of support:

Emotional Support: This is the person whose shoulder you can cry on, who'll lift your spirits when you're down, and cheer you on during personal challenges and victories.

Practical Support: Here's the person who would help you move, watch your kids in a pinch, or drive you to an appointment if need be.

Financial Support: you could borrow money from this person if you were in a pinch, they'd pay a bill if you'd need it, or help you through to the next payday.

Informational Support: you can turn to this person for information that will help you. These are the folks who know where to get anything, how to get anywhere, where the best values can be found, etc.

Spiritual Support: We all have a different concept of spirituality; this person supports you in yours; they remind you of the bigger picture, ask the bigger questions.

On a piece of printer paper draw a circle symbolizing yourself in the middle of the sheet. Now, draw a line to everyone in your social network, each person also symbolized by a circle. Include relationships that may not be helpful, people who stand in the way of your healthy growth, but use a different shape or color to symbolize these relationships, distinguishing them from the healthy relationships you enjoy. Use the symbols by each descriptor above to map out your friends, colleagues, and family on your own social support map.

Here's an example-of Carl, a man who is well-supported, with one relationship that's troubling (in this case, an old drinking friend who threatens his new-found sobriety)--to illustrate how it's done.


Once you've completed your map, take a look and ponder its meaning for you and your support. Are there areas where you need more support? Is it time to shore up your network? Are there some kinds of support that you're not receiving? Are you support rich? 'time to savor your tremendous wealth and health? Make a few phone calls to say "thanks"?